Why Pompeii
by BrokenTimeLord
Summary: After the advents of Pompeii, the Doctor and the TARDIS have a little discussion. Spoilers for The Fires of Pompeii


**A/N- **Fires of Pompeii was great huh!! I loved it. And this something that came out of it. Enjoy.

**Why Pompeii**

All was quite in the TARDIS.

Donna had gone off to get some sleep leaving the Doctor alone with his thoughts and the TARDIS.

He wasn't very happy with the TARDIS at the moment though.

Oh yes, he had a great magnificent ship that was bigger on the inside, but his ship just had to be sentient. Able to think for herself, and able to take him exactly where he need to be. Even if he didn't want to go there.

Oh yes, he'd known for along time that it wasn't just his bad driving that got them off course all time (though he didn't pass his test he hadn't been lying to Martha). It was the TARDIS herself who got them off course. She always knew exactly were he needed to be. Where the world or the universe needed saving, that's where she always took him dragging his little companions along for the ride.

But Pompeii had been two steps, too far.

He was so mad he had blocked her out of his mind. And while yes it felt very weird not to have her there, he just stubborn enough to deal with it. He could feel her tickling on the back of his mind, but he was ignoring her. He sat on the captains chair, arms folded over his chest staring at the time router.

Bloody hell Doctor, LET ME IN!!

How the hell had she done that. His mental blocks where very good, she shouldn't have been able to do that.

Doctor, please, just let me explain. She asked in a softer voice.

He sighed and let her in.

"Why did you take me there?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, "Why did you take me there just so I could kill those people? WHY?!"

Because you're the only who could stop it.

"And tell me, oh wise and wonderful TARDIS, why should I fucking care?"

Because..

"And don't you dare tell me it's because I'm The Doctor and I cure everything, because I don't TARDIS. The fucking universe has taken every thing from me." He stood and began pacing around the consul, "It made me destroy Gallifrey and The Time Lord and for what, FOR NOTHING!! The Daleks survived like they always do bringing about pain and destruction, and death. I killed them for nothing TARDIS. Nothing."

The TARDIS remained silent, letting the Doctor vent, she owed him at least that much.

"And I thought…" he came to a pause in his pacing, his voice becoming soft and gentle, "I thought maybe I had a second chance when I took her hand. I thought I was forgiven." He was on the verge of tears now, "I thought I wasn't alone, that there was someone who believed in me, and trusted me, and…"

He slipped to the grated floor, resting the back of his head against the consul.

"I thought there was someone who loved me and didn't care what I had done. Didn't care that the same hands that held her where covered in blood. Didn't care that I was the Oncoming Storm. That everything I touched turned to dust."

"And then she was gone."

Everything was silent, neither the TARDIS nor the Doctor spoke.

"Why did you take me there TARDIS?" he asked as he began to cry softly.

Because I can see timelines to. And I saw that if you weren't there the whole of Earth would die. And couldn't let that happen. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.

"There's no one TARDIS." He said, his rough from crying and still having tears falling down his face, "When I look down my own timeline, there's no one, just darkness and fear. No Donna, no Martha, no Jack, no Rose, there's nothing. Not even my own memories."

Theta

The Doctor flinched at hearing his proper name spoken. He hadn't heard it sense before the war and it reminded him of all he lost, all he had destroyed.

Theta Sigma you listen to me. You. Are Not. A Monster. You've done and seen terrible things. But you always did it save others. You destroyed Gallifrey so that the universe would live. You destroyed Pompeii so the Earth would survive, and so that two thousand years later a little girl would be born, and named Rose Tyler.

I took you there to see, to show you what you had forgotten. That you're the Doctor, and no, you can't cure everything and you can't save everything, but every one life you save is worth it. Every little life you save, is another beautiful chance in the universe, Doctor. It's another dream that can be dreamed, another song that can song, another love to be loved, and it's worth it Doctor. Just one life is worth it.

With those words she left him, she didn't go far, but she knew he needed room to think about what she had told him.

His squeezed his chocolate brown eyes shut as more tears threatened to come down. He knew he had forgotten he wasn't denying that, because what the TARDIS had just told him was perfectly true. In all his pain and hurt and frustration he'd forgotten what he was fighting for. For everything in universe. He'd become hard, and cold, and bitter, he was becoming everything that he had fought so hard against.

As he cried on the floor of his beloved ship he knew there was no going back. He couldn't just go back and change what had happened, he'd told Donna as much, but he could go forward.

Didn't mean he was just gonna forget about Rose, or Gallifrey, or Pompeii, they would always be there. But he'd heard some where that in pain was healing. He hadn't believed them then, but oh, did he now. It was healing the wounds that he had let scab and fester, turning them into battle scars he could bear with pride.

He lay there on the floor of the consul room for hours crying himself into a deep sleep. When he woke he didn't really feel a whole lot better, but he got up anyway and vowed to move on.

"Thanks old girl." He said as he gently caressed the consul.

He then left the room to go clean himself up before Donna got up and asked why he was a mess.

Okay the TARDIS thought to herself Now you're ready for her to come.


End file.
